But wait, you might say, is that hyperbole? No no, my friends, for when have you ever before encountered an entire meal that is WHOOPIE PIE-INSPIRED? Never, that is when. Do not deny it.
Even as I, Brian, fumble to turn the laptop on and begin chronicling Alex has created a bleu cheese cream and is blending whipped heavy cream into it. Homemade pear jerky has already been made, and Deb is turning it into a sort of jelly.
 |
| This is what liquified bleu cheese looks like as whipped cream is added to it. Is it also a fancy representation of the kanji for 'whoopie pie'? (Answer: no.) |
We have homemade butter, which is exciting; in a callback to last month, we are also constructing our own english muffins! To construct the dessert whoopie pies we're already, 1/5th of the way in, having to improvise since the recipe calls for something called lime extract which has been impossible to track down.
I get my first glimpse of the recipe title, and it is 'lime coconut whoopie pies'! We also have 'caprese pies two ways', 'pear butter and bleu cheese custard english muffin sandwiches', and 'veggie patties stuffed with roasted garlic, caramelized onions and brie'. Alex is not sure how he'll keep them from being so greasy we can't even pick them up--fake meat patty as a bun is, traditionally, not very dry--but that's the sort of challenge we, as a team, love. (No that's not true, the sort of challenge we love is 'how many cheddar biscuits can we eat in one meal').
Let's make a quick note here about the winding road to whoopie pie glory...Alex and Jim first found the lime coconut whoopie pie recipe in a cookbook devoted to whoopie pies (as one does) http://www.amazon.com/Whoopie-Pies-Dozens-Match-Recipes/dp/0811874540, but had a few qualms about it. So they started searching the internet and discovered *another* food blog who had *also* had those same qualms, and who had detailed how they'd adapted the recipe:
So since we're adapting it even further, this dessert is us doing a cover of a cover. We're the Dread Zeppelin of cooking blogs.
We also have sundried tomatoes which Alex would like to use somehow in the stuffed veggie patties, but he hasn't decided whether they will be in the filling or the patty. Chewy or savory? Ahh, the eternal question.
This, it should be noted, is the maiden voyage of the Kitchenaid Stand Mixer, a shiny new addition to our metaphorical toolkit. We are going to mix the FUCK out of things now!...and hey, our first NSFW post. Who knew it would be that easy!
 |
| Like a wee baby Cylon |
We're going to blend up the onions (currently cooking), garlic and brie and turn them into patties. Deb gets out the mozzarella balls and tomatoes.
We (or, at least, the 3 of us who don't think Dairy is Evil) are very proud of the fact that the homemade butter is being used in nearly every part of the meal! It has not, alas, been sculpted to look like anything (except, possibly, a head of cauliflower) but these are early days.
 |
| Today |
 |
| SOON |
Alex is opening and inbowling (if that's a real word) the fake sausage, and adding in garlic and melted butter and minced sundried tomatoes; next comes some shaky cheese, the miracle ingredient in a LOT of our dishes. (Never eat my ice cream.) Deb is beginning to prepare the dough for the muffins, and I'm pulling up a video for CIA homemade english muffins to refresh our baking memories! (That's the culinary school, not the spies). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdwCJQ_RAP8
Jim is portioning out the dessert pie outer parts and popping them in the oven while Deb divides up the english muffin dough and Alex blends up the roasted garlic, brie and onions; a taste test reveals it doesn't quite have the punch we like, and a little parmesan gets added.
Deb has triumphed with making big fluffy english muffin balls! They go in the oven too.
We seem to be stuck on a lack of filling for the lime coconut whoopie pies, as we don't have any coconut extract or heavy cream. We ponder turning them into 'lime LIME whoopie pies with a faint hint of coconut', but that name's not nearly as catchy.
Alex makes a wish to the universe for another cast iron skillet. (Just making a note for upcoming birthdays).
"Oh wow--that english muffin looks like an english muffin!"--Alex, showing our high standards at work
Ji---SOMEone was making the coconut filling for the whoopie pie, but instead of powdered sugar, regular sugar got used. It's super-grainy. We take a step back and start the filling over. Deb, meanwhile, has chopped up the basil and is getting the olive oil, making the fillings for the tomato and/or cheese sammiches.
Deb has the toothpicks out and is making our little wee tomato/cheese sandwiches-on-a-stick. And they're SO CUUUTE!
...except she is focussing on the tomatoes "because they're easier", and there is a CHEESE GAP! Woe and calamity!
Rommy, meanwhile, is drooling all over Deb's leg. We leap to the astonishing conclusion that he likes cheese. (TAKE NOTE, SCIENCE)
(Note to new readers: Rommy is Jim's dog, and not an unmentioned-before-now guest and/or failed Presidential candidate. Just nipping any confusion in the bud.)
While the appetizer and dessert whoopie pies get constructed and Alex warms the english muffins up for the whoopie pie main course (apparently they weren't fully cooked on the inside because the skillet was too hot) Deb gets ready to pat the veggie sausage patties totally dry and put the brie/caramelized onion blend inside for the KFC homage course. It's, honestly, a gooey mess. And Deb's enjoyment of overstuffing them is making them even more, well, challenging.
 |
| My reaction to watching this is a lot like Scotty's whenever Kirk says they need to go faster. "Yuh canna DU it!" |
We're good to go apart from the english muffins, and take this opportunity to clean up a little. And by "we" I mean the non-bloggers, for lo, I have the important task of chronicling this night and making it a tale to echo down the ages. While we wait another five minutes for the english muffins to firm up we sacrifice one, shred it, and dip the bits in the brie filling, which YUM. (Though Deb thinks it tastes a little mayonaissey and might need some jam).
The english muffins are quickly becoming the white whale to Alex's Ahab (english lit minor, woop woop), as we check them again for sufficient doughiness and put them back in the oven. We pass the time with a couple of musical mashups
and major/minor scale fun, featuring "The Happy Godfather",
and then play the "What are the most offensive knock-knock jokes we can possibly come up with" game, which we will not include here because we still crave your respect.
"Remember when I said we weren't that far from eating? That was funny!"--Alex.
Last stage of assembly now, as we put in the amount of pear butter and/or bleu cheese that we wish.
And...Grading!
APPETIZER THINGIES WITH THE TOMATOES AND MOZZARELLA:
Jim: B. The reason's that the mozzarella wasn't really that flavorful. Great concept, tasty tomato, but the cheese let us down.
Alex: Same as Jim. I'd give it a B+ as opposed to a B. If the cheese was more delicious it really would have helped, but I'm just happy it held together. It did not fall apart! Deb did a good job putting them together.
Deb: The concept was sound! Maybe more on the B-...it felt like it needed to be suffused in something tasty. Maybe if we'd marinated it for three days? In the summer with fresh tomatoes it would've been more amazing.
Brian: B...I'm not a tomato fan, but this was very entertaining.
ENGLISH MUFFINS, SOME WITH BLEU CHEESE SPREAD, SOME WITH PEAR JELLY
Deb: B+! It's a surprising flavor combination. The english muffins were still hard.
Alex: We sacrificed the texture on the outside for the fluffy on the inside. If we'd gone with a biscuit maybe it would've been better. B. The video said to put the griddle on 300...this is FUCKING USELESS when you're trying to do it on the stovetop. I don't know how I was supposed to know when it was done on the inside. The mousse and butter I remember liking more last time--the pear butter could've been sweeter. It was still and interesting flavor combination, and it's good to have that kind of novelty.
Jim: B-...we failed with the english muffins again, though we were a lot closer. I think it needed something crunchy, other than the english muffin.
Brian: B...I liked the pear spread a lot, the bleu cheese was as good a bleu cheese as I've had, and the english muffins were crunchy in an entertaining way? Of sorts?
STUFFED VEGETABLE PATTIES, aka the KFC DOUBLE DOWN, VEGGIE BURGER STYLE
Jim: I give those a solid A! I thought they held together really well, the brie-onion mixture didn't squeeze out like I thought it would, I thought the smoked dried tomatoes gave them a fun taste.
Deb: I was not a fan. C-. I really didn't like the overpowering Gimme Lean taste.
Brian: A! While I normally DO find the taste of veggie patties overpowering, with the brie-onion mix it made for a really good flavor combination.
Alex: I give it a B+...I thought there were a few notes that were missing that would have made the flavor more well-rounded. In a good bread bun with lettuce and tomato I probably would have liked it more. The brie mixture didn't knock my socks off. I did like the patties and the sundried tomatoes, and soaking the grease out of them afterwards worked out excellently.
TRUE BLOOD SEASON 3, EPISODE 8 'NIGHT ON THE SUN'
Deb: So violent! I liked the wolves.
Brian: They're very fluffy! (...unlike the english muffins...)
Alex: I'd like to mention the highlight, which was watching Jessica and Bill speed-sparring. The best scene in every...EVERything, is always the training montage.
Deb: I totally disagree. With martial arts, yes. But if it's like, an alien? Who needs to learn english? Ugh.
COCONUT LIME WHOOPIE PIES
Alex: I like the way these feel! Everything has a really nice texture. A.
Deb: I give them an A. That coconut flavor is really strong.
Jim: A! The only thing is that if we'd had some lime extract it could have punched up the flavor even better.
Brian: A. Wow. It's like two snickerdoodles with a margarita in between. Have I said A? A.
TRUE BLOOD SEASON 3, EPISODE 9 'EVERYTHING IS BROKEN'
All of us: That ending omgwtfbbq!!! A!
 |
| Every villain should give monologues to dead henchmen in jars. 'Nixon' would have been ten times as entertaining. |
No comments:
Post a Comment