Happy Saturday, friends and neighbors (and people who meant to go to deepspacesparkle.com and got here by mistake)! Brian here, blogging Jim’s night (though it’s strange to call it night as the sun shines down outside). Jim’s stretching himself and trying a meal that’s 99% vegan! (And I'm putting things in parentheses ((a LOT)) ) .
Our menu tonight consists of:
*Lemongrass broth with dumplings
*Kale Kale Salad (with a wee bit of parmesan parmesan because we’re not barbarians)—note, this one is taken from a very fine restaurant in Harvard Square named Tory Row. Props to our culinary inspiration homies!
*Agave lime grilled tofu
*Black pepper shortcakes with blackberry basil sauce & cinnamon cream
Our first questionable moment comes as Jim’s unpacking the groceries from the Chinese market; he was looking for pea shoots and saw something that looked like them, but were labeled “bean leaves”. Pfeh, who pays attention to signs anymore? He also was unable to find any ‘kaffir lime leaf’…but to be fair, none of us would even recognize one if we saw it.
We have a special guest, Sara! She arrives with Alex, and mixed drinks begin to get made. OUR HERO! We take a look at our potential ingredients: lemons, limes, gin, vodka, fruit juice, vitamin water, an orange…and Sarah begins improvising like a boss. Alex, meanwhile, ponders making cashew cream. Not, it should be noted, for a beverage.
Deb’s chopping lemongrass for the broth, and then hammering the stalks
(I’m sure there’s a culinary reason and not just that she finds it cathartic); Jim is putting together the marinade for the tofu; Alex is turning the cashew into a gooey paste; and Sara has come up with a tasty basil-vodka-vitamin water creation called a Basilto that tastes like licorice and success. So far so good. We discuss it; the basil didn’t come through like she wanted to, but we agree it has potential. (We also agree not to give it a grade during the end of the night). We add a little lime juice and discover an improvement.
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| As sayings go, "When you have a hammer, everything looks like a lemongrass stalk" never really caught on. |
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| *CLINK!* |
We note here, gentle reader, that today is not just Jim’s menu, it’s Jim’s BIRTHDAY WEEK. He’s…um…32? I have no idea really. But he’s a Distinguished Gentleman.
Random note seen on the desk beside this laptop: “verdigris UFOs”. Oooookay…
Jim tastes the marinade, thinks it’s too sweet, and then realizes he’s got brown sugar all over his tasting finger. But since it’s his birthday week, we still back him up! Good catch, Jim!
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| Jim in his natural habitat: holding a book, pottery all around him, and Alex by his side. |
Sara and Deb put their heads together trying to decipher the broth recipe…the problem is that they’re relying on a photo of the recipe on an iPad, and the photo’s blurry, so its like watching them play a game of Telephone as they peer at it and try to decipher each new word. Games of Telephone are a lot more high-stakes when they're about the food I’m going to eat. *fret*
New obstacle: there’s no soy cream for the dessert. We compensate by mixing a little milk with the cashew cream. Veganness of the meal now at 92% and falling!
Alex confesses he does not like lemon thyme, because if you smell it, it has an identical scent to Lemon Pledge. We decide that as long as he doesn’t snort any of tonight’s meal, he should be okay.
For the black pepper shortcakes, the recipe calls for some Earth Balance that’s very very cold, leading Alex to portion some out, chop it up, and pop it in the freezer. (Note to readers who don't have it available in their area--Earth Balance is basically the hipster, healthy-for-you version of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Earth Balance people, feel free to use that in your next ad.)
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| "I Can't Believe It's Marginally Healthier Than the Alternatives" was a rejected title. |
Deb tries to cut the amount of sugar in the broth recipe in half, and gets caught by Sara! It’s Trust the Recipe vs. Too Sweet is Wrong, the culinary equivalent of a Lincoln-Douglass debate, except everyone agrees to wait a few minutes and see. And, also, the country won't go to war if Deb wins.
Sara moves on to the kale chip-making, which involves cookie sheets and oil and kale crisped so crispy that it's nigh-unrecognizable as a vegetable. On a side note, doesn’t calling them “cookie sheets” give you unconscious false hope? Why not just call them flat pans? It’s like calling every lottery ticket you buy a “winning ticket”, or calling every blind date a "George Clooney date".
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| THE COOKIE SHEET IS A LIE |
We use the internet to check what temperature the oven needs to be for kale chips. I help!! 350 for 10 to 15 minutes. Sadly, none of this turns kale into delicious cookies.
Alex is grinding pepper for the dessert shortcake, a task he finds tedious; through the miracle of technology we turn to a coffee grinder, which makes his life much easier. Amishness of this meal, 2% and falling.
Sara and Deb team up again to start the dumplings, and commiserate over how hard and puzzling it is to wash mushrooms. How do you ever know when they’re done? We nearly turn to technology again to mince the mushrooms, but Sara + cleaver = getting the job done.
We question ourselves—what, exactly, went wrong the last time we made dumplings? One theory is that we cooked them too long, another theory is just that it was an unlucky night. Or possibly it was the thickness and/or consistency of the wrappers. Really, when you think about it, it's amazing any food ever turns out right.
“I like my job. I just have to stay one step ahead of Sara”—Deb
We note with puzzlement and consternation that this is also an onion-less meal! This might just be the first time in the history of our cooking club.
Deb declares her decision to rabidly support a soccer—sorry, FOOTBALL team, A.C. Milan, based on the coolness of one particular member “who goes to womens prisons just to hang out!”, whose name she can’t remember. She feels that I should support a rival team and we can have a fun competitive thingie going on. I google "shaolin soccer" and am sad to discover it is not, in fact, based on a real team.
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| Seriously, though. This would be epic. |
“10 to 15 minutes for kale chips is a LIE! Put that in the blog!”--Jim
Alex is having trouble with the part of the shortbread recipe that calls for the dough to be an inch thick…first it’s too thin, then his second attempt is a little too fat. It should be noted, for posterity, that he has a finger injury that “basically means I’m working one-handed!”
Sara experiments on a second drink, a gin and tonic with a touch of basil. A quick taste test reveals positives and negatives: on the down side the tonic is flat, so basically it’s a Gin & Water; on the plus, side, though, there *is* gin.
The shortbread calls for the “cream” to be brushed across the top of them; Alex is doing that. Meanwhile the fillings for the dumplings are almost ready to go, and the wonton wrappers are being laid out across the countertop. We note that Jim’s obtained the firmest tofu money can buy—they come out of the marinate like very pale lego blocks, or very blank dice, or very deformed teeth...I could do this all night, folks.
It’s been about 30 minutes for the kale chips; Sara checks them, but confesses that she’s not the best person for the job as she wants to snack on them all right now, now, nownownow. Deb mentions that her hunger is raging and she wants to eat an entire pan; Alex sets the completed chips right next to me, thinking they’ll be safe here.
“He’s not sighing; he’s just so happy all the joy can’t fit inside him!”—Sara about Jim, after she and Deb request more counter space.
Deb proposes that we have a Working Song for these nights.
We talk about mental disorders involving limbs! As you do. We're able to think of three: Phantom Limb Disorder, the disorder where you think a limb is actually another person’s, and the one where you think the puppet you’re wearing is a totally different personality (okay, I got that one from Batman)…
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| For the movie version, I'm thinking Stephen Colbert and Bob Hoskins |
The consommé has been poured, the kale chips are out, the tofu has just come out, and we have three different pots bubbling on the fridge. Meanwhile, not that I’m a lightweight or anything, but the gin has kicked in bigtime! Deb is working on the dressing for the salad, and making faces like Calvin when he’s forced to eat spinach. “A little lemony” is her comment. This is her “a little lemony” face:
“The ratio of dumplings to consommé is once sagain too big”, opines Alex. It’s noted that we can take turns tooking the dumpllings and nt cook them all a t once.
All the cooks collaborate on how to improve the dressing. An egg? A little tofu? More fat? More cashew cream? A little salt? The issue seems to be that it’s TOO lemony, but there’s even some disagreement about that. Deb rejects the thought of either salt or oil on philosophical grounds, but tries a little tofu, reducing the sharpness abit, rendering deliciousness by concenssu.s. us.
Virgin At lantic has a commercial featuring a brain with legs hopping off a couch. Which explodes. Either that or I’m much, much drunker than I thought I was.
The grill is active—it’s a sign of immiment summer! Lex ges the brush, and starts giving the tofu the grill treatment. The pepper shortbread is out, and looking very whole wheaty.
Sara is struggling with grating the brick of parmesan for the kale kale, as it is bricklike in its hardness and thickness and difficulty in being grated. And yet, its DONE, and the salad has been put together. Deb has retreated from anything food-related and is setting up the television for True Blood. The dumplings are going in the connssom cnoasnm in the broth.
It is noted that Tory Row cuts up all the kale in their kale kale salad so that the crips cale chips and the raw kale are the same size and indisistughweuisable all the same size.. Sara jumps on this culinary challenge, cutting up te salad to teeny bits. Of bitness. (THAT WA SGOOD GIN.)
Meanwhile Team Dumpling is leaping into action…at the same time Team Mixed Drink is improvising a vitamin water & vodka drink that tastes like watery cherry vodka, which….I wouldn’t serve it to the Queen if you know what I’m saying, but, still, it has a certain je ne sais quoi which might also be considered je ne sais drunk, so there.
Food ready, tv watched, vampires and witches and alligators observed!
RATINGS OF THE FOOD TYPE THINGS:
Lemongrass broth with dumplings
BRIAN A…the broth was hot & sour soup-y and the dumplings were delicious, if a little large and sploshy.
DEB A-…the dumplings were difficult. Taste-wise it was fabulous; the dumplings were big, and hard to get in your mouth.
JIM A…I thought the flavor was really good. I agree that ten minutes is probably too long to cook the dumplings, and they could have been crimped together to be a bit more secure.
ALEX A-; the broth was really good. It didn’t taste as well-balanced as I remember it from last time, but still delicious.
SARA What if we deep-fried the dumplings? They need to have more substance somehow. A, though. Flavor-wise it was so delicious.
Kale Kale Salad
BRIAN B…the raw kale completely overshadowed the kale chips. The dressing was nice; the cheese was not an active presence.
DEB Did you guys put the kale chips in there? That was brilliant! I’d give it a B+ because it was really lemony; I’d really bring that down in the dressing. Probably the healthiest kale we’ve ever had.
JIM A-; I think we needed more baked kale, and I think it was a little lemony but I still really liked it.
ALEX I’ll give it a B. I’m biased because I’ve had the real kale kale salad, which is a lot better. One of the reasons is the texture; the real one is really crispy, and this was a little soggy. Maybe the chips sat in with the salad too long. (Note: we mixed ours in together, which Tory Row does not. Our mistake.)
SARA B; great idea, sogginess factor. The texture wasn’t so great, but it was still delicious.
Agave lime grilled tofu
BRIAN B…the closest I’ve ever come to tofu leather it was so firm, but the marinate was yummy.
DEB B, I guess…the flavor was fabulous. I think if we’d made it thinner. It was dry but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I really enjoyed it.
JIM I give it a B-. I thought the marinate tasted fantastic, but it didn’t transfer into the tofu as well. It needed to marinade longer, but it’s worth playing with again.
ALEX I’ll give it a B. It was too dry. When the tofu’s too firm maybe it’s too dense to absorb things. For all the work it took, I wasn’t too impressed.
SARA C. Too dry. The texture was not good. Maybe I just don’t like extra-firm tofu, though.
Black pepper shortcakes with blackberry basil sauce & cinnamon cream
BRIAN D…too peppery, and cashew cream is, well, cashew cream.
DEB D-, not a fan. It tasted like a dry English muffin with something that didn’t make up for it.
JIM F! I do not like pepper in my dessert, apparently, and I just didn’t like the texture or the flavor.
ALEX C…I can see why someone would want to go in this direction. The black pepper was pretty overwhelming and there was a weird aftertaste, maybe from the spelt flour or from too much cinnamon in the cream. It was also not nearly sweet enough.
SARA D. I liked the pepper flavoring, but it needed actual cream, and a sugary addition. The texture was so boring; if we’d even just kept the blackberry seeds in that might have helped.
I want the brothy goodness!!!
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